Those of you who might know me from college, particularly 3rd year, will know that creating my own personal projects was something I never really made time for. My main aim was to develop professional skills in a commercial way that would one day help me become a full time photographer. First and foremost I cared about the quality of images I was creating, and the ‘message’ of the project came as an after thought.
I enjoyed shooting to briefs and creating images that would convey what the brief described, but when told to develop a personal project about something I cared about my mind often drew blank. One of my worst traits is that when I’m not interested or excited about something, then I struggle to put the effort in and get very lazy about it. This definitely happened during my 3rd year of college where I was under the misconception that I was being asked to create something really ‘artsy’ in order to pass the course. Being a few years older now with a bit more life experience I think there are a few reasons for this.
Firstly, I’m a really simple guy and not very emotional. Up until the start of 2020 nothing bad or significant had really happened in my life and it was all very smooth sailing. There was literally nothing I cared about enough to want to talk about in a personal project. I was much more interested in the technical side of photography, and would rather have shot many different and random images over the year in order to learn more about the craft.
Secondly, I think I had it in my head that my ‘personal project’ had to be something that would pass the course. At the time we were getting shown lots of different personal projects, many of which I could appreciate, but that were very artsy and not my style. So I mistakenly thought I had to do something similar in order to please the lecturers. Which as stated above, was difficult for me because I never had anything meaningful I wanted to say. I just wanted to create cool images!
It wasn’t until the end of last year that I actually picked up my camera and thought first about what I was trying to say for myself. The lighting, technique and everything else became almost irrelevant. I wanted to create something that would be important for my family and that’s what I would like to talk about today.
“If you seek me, you will find me”
February 11th 2020. My dad sadly passes away almost suddenly due to cancer. He had a sore throat and a dodgy hip. Went for a scan at the start of January and was gone by February. 2020 was a shit year for everyone, but particularly for my family and most of all, my Mum.
Skipping ahead to November 2021, it was time to think about Christmas presents. Sadly, the only thing I know my mum would want, was impossible to bring her. But maybe there was a way I could try.
My Dad was a big Catholic and so we were always brought up believing that even when people pass on from this life, they stay with us in spirit up in Heaven. As much as I’m not so much a practising Catholic anymore, I’m so grateful this was something my Dad brought us up believing.
He left behind his crucifix necklace for me and his signet ring for my little bother Michael. Both of which you would never see him without. You would often see him in his brown timberland boots, jeans and a jumper. In fact anytime I picture my Dad, I picture him in the same outfit. These pieces of jewellery as well as his clothing became the basis of the project I was going to create for my mum and brothers and sisters.
The aim was to take photos in and around the house, that hopefully when looking at them you would get the feel that he was present. There were many memories I had of my dad around the house. One of which being when he would get Christmas decorations down from the loft. I wanted to recreate these. A massive thanks goes to my younger brother Michael for agreeing to stand in for these photos.
From here I kind of went on a bit of a tangent. On top of being an amazing Dad, he was also a loving Granda. When he passed away, my nieces and nephews were very young and have grown up a lot since his passing. In fact, one of my nephews was born just a few days after he passed away, meaning they never got the chance to meet.
What I wanted to do was create images similar to the ones above, that couple possibly look like my nieces and nephews were standing next to him.
I actually have another niece and nephew that I have still to do these images for, but they were isolating at the time I was taking them. I’ll need to get them done soon and hopefully this is something I can update every few years as the kids grow.
So there we have it, the first personal project that I’ve started that is actually really important to me. The beauty is, it’s not for anyone else other than me and my family and thats the first time I’ve done a project that is in fact, personal. This is something I will definitely keep going!
Thanks, Matthew
Director @ Gold Visuals